Nightime Pondering

Lately, as nighttime comes around...I feel pressured to get as much done possible for the today before going to sleep. I feel like if I went to sleep so early, then I'd be wasting time. But what am I thinking, it's more waste of a time for me to wake up so late and realized I've already wasted half of my day.

What an unorthodox way to begin a blog, but I think by now, all my blogs end up like this.
So every night I always have the urge to blog, but most of the time...it's about the same things or I get lazy and I don't even say all I wanna say.

And I know in this case, it's not going to be any different.

ANYWAYS.

I just wanna share this picture I got from my manager Tommy, it's kinda funny cause I've experienced this situation already. Hahahaha.






I'm still blown away.

Deepest Thoughts

There's been a lot going in mind lately and this is the right place to drop it.
Lately, my life's really only consists of work and tennis lately.
Now that I think about it, friends do come and go and when you think about it, whose to say who your true friends are?
As for me, I don't think I have any.
Fuck friends. I want, need friends that are actually there for me and care. Friendliest friends. As stupid as it sounds, that's what everyone needs. I have high expectations for friends and no one seems to be able to fulfill it.

My minds been heavy lately, thinking about my dad, whose going through a rough time with his heart, as well right now. I been thinking about it a lot, hoping that he'll be okay and everything...but it's hard for me to just go through everyday supporting myself. I need people who will support me and care too. But those people who I thought would be those people, didn't really rise to the occasion. I've told my buddy Liz and only a couple others, but I couldn't, and haven't even told my supposedly "bros"...why not? To me, they haven't really been the best of friends to even be comfortable enough for me to tell. We've got one friend who won't even really care and one whose rubbing off on him so he won't care either. Maybe I care too much.

You know, in the end...
Really, I don't know what to do.
So
fuck my life.

Time, Twelve15.

Before I began this post, I was going to start off by just talking about how my day went. However, I noticed the date is June 13th...and that marks one year after my graduation from high school. And the only other thing I could say was, "damn." Time flew by so fast.

Well anyways, I did miss you guys. I wished it would have been everyone, but I guess it was fun.

Decisions

I guess I'll start this entry saying that we all make decisions in life everyday. Sometimes the choices we make are right and sometimes wrong, but every little choice that you choose is personal and it's up to the individual.

A random topic, I know...but it just came to my head while I was thinking of a small decision to make, what to do? Well anyways, it was a small issue for a little bit until I thought deeply about it, then I realized that, every decision I have made so far in my life had meaning and it impacts the way I live my life now.

Overall, I feel like I've made more good decisions than bad ones or I probably wouldn't be in such a clean state. However, people make bad decisions all the time...and I do the same.

I'd like to finish this entry up by speaking on the best and worst decisions I've made in my life.

The worst decision I've made in my life would have to be all the times when I looked down on myself and "decided" that I wasn't good enough at anything. This resulted in many embarrassments, waste of time, and humiliation. What I'm really trying to say is that, for a long time...I thought that I would never good enough or noone would ever see me as good enough. And the outcome of the super long relationship made me realize, that I did waste my time...I wasted a lot. Confidence is what is really needed these days and now, I do have a lot of it. And it's not much to talk about it here, but I will. I wasted my commitment, my time, my charm, my intelligence, my determination, and my heart on that. There are so many good-hearted people out there and I am proud as hell, to say that I am one of them. I don't deserve people like that in my life, I only deserve what's best for me.

And my best decision in my life, would be...that right there.

Congratulations!

To Mr. Shaun and Janice Sabio for their newborn baby
=]

Coming Soon

I'd just also like to take my time to give my prayers and congratulations to Shaun and Janice Sabio, who are about to become parents and begin a family of their own.
The baby was due today, but we'll see. Hope everything goes well.

Raindrops

So I noticed that I've been slacking a little bit on blogging, and I just wanted to update a little, in this little diary.
It's almost been a month of summer and really, I haven't done much besides...work, sleep, and chill. I need to start doing something more productive maybe. Actually, memorable would suit the spot well.

Today (June 5th, 2009) has been a depressing day...
I tend to feel more emotional and filled with thoughts on days when the weather is horrible like todays.
Today was such an ugly day and not to mention boring. I had no plans really and didn't have the initiative to make any as well. I just felt like sitting there and complaining that I was bored...which is bad and turned into me feeling down.
I just wish I didn't feel so out of place with my life right now...
I don't even really know what I need, but somethings either overwhelming or missing in my life. I think I need a sense of security and assurance.
The routine chilling, work, and hanging out with the friends is nice and all, offcourse...but there is something else that I need...
Playing a lot of tennis has slowly helped me develop my game to back where it was at its peak and I'm slowly getting there again, however...when I do, what do I do now? I'm sure that I'll be happy with my game, but who really cares? I would be more happy if I were able to find a girl that was actually interested in getting better in tennis and that I can help her, and she could be my mixed doubles partner. Yes. But no, that's just too good to be true.
And I think it's no coincidence that in the end it all comes down to girls...and love life...
girls, can't live with em, can't live without em.

Anyways, I also re-cut my hair, shorter..haha
This is fun, but I donno...I don't think this phase will last too long.
Maybe for a couple months, but then it's back to the plain ol hair.

I've also been slacking on the whole song writing thing that I was really into last week, so I'm going to get back into it...and work on my 2nd song. =p

But for now...see you again.