Guess

Guess whose back,
back again,
Shun is back,
Tell a friend
Shun is back, Shun is back, Shun is back...

lol

Single

Always sucks...
Kind of...
Ish...
-_-

=]

It feels really good when someone, anyone tells you
how much better you have gotten at something
and
that is my motivation to keep going
=]

Let's face it,

no matter how hard I try,
no matter what happens,

It all comes back to you,
you, you, you...

Gosh I miss you.

Enjoy

having conversations with people who you can enjoy talking to without having to worry about saying anything wrong or saying anything too crazy...

You know, I'm just saying you know you can really enjoy talking to someone when you don't ever get annoyed of what they say to you or you tell them anything and they stay understanding and happy throughout the conversation...

I can only think now off the top of my head about two people that I know I can do this with, and it's really nice.
It's no wonder.

About one year ago

I...

Oh, what the heck. I can't even finish what I wanna say.

Will you help me?

I feel it

Little by little, school is starting to get much tougher and I'm starting to become much lazier, as time progresses.
The drive going to ODU everyday sucks.
I'm feeling the stress coming.

But not to talk about anything special here, just wanted to update
about the past few days or so and things that have been going on in my life? Haha

Saturday was my typical work day, closed, however played tennis in the morning which was nice except hot.

Sunday, enjoyed a day off and chilled with Rachel & AMP43
Oh man, the charades was pretty fun, =]
Went to "yo mamas" for the first time, I have to agree, it is definitely better than Skinny Dip. It was just really a chill day.
I felt bad cause I didn't really know what to do except "chill" and yeah, hopefully it wasn't boring. Haha

Monday, typical first day of the weekday, class...uh, tennis, take home test for astronomy was rough.
Oh yeah, my league team made districts so we're going to be playing against other districts, yay. =]

Today, another just chill Tuesday.
Went to campus early to finish the take home test, then class...then chilled with Emmy and studied somewhat, but I cannot study unless I'm by myself, wah.


GIVE ME SOME EXCITEMENT TOMORROW ! Ah
But I close tomorrow . =[
lol

Priorities

So last night, I had a talk with a friend who got a little upset with me, because I was slacking in Accounting when it's supposed to be my major...
However, this story gets lengthy.

Anyways, I needed some reassurance because I'm not confident with my accounting homework yet so I asked him, and when I kept asking him easy questions that I should know, it upset him so he told me that I needed to focus and study and prioritize my time to what may be my future: Accounting.
This really made me feel like I need to prioritize some things in my life, cause lately...I really haven't been.

Today, I was supposed to complete an online Accounting quiz by 10PM, however I completely forgot about it until 11:30PM..and now I'm just sitting here...really disappointed in myself and feeling like crap.
Why and how could I do something so stupid? =/
I know, these are one of those things where there's nothing you can do, so eventually I'll be able to shake it off, but It's gonna bug me for a while.

So I decided also, that I'm not going to ODU for this Fasa Cookout Sunday...
I took off work Sunday to go, but I decided that I'd rather spend some time with Rachel, cause I haven't seen her in forever, and I'd really rather spend time with one great friend than a group full of people who I may not even be comfortable with or have a good time with, blah. So I'm looking forward to that.

I also really need to start studying and doing extra homework and notes so I can understand my classes...Doing the homework is really not enough, I have to be able to understand the concepts that we are expected to learn.

I hope this weekend allows me to relax and enjoy not having to worry about schoolwork, =/

Eh

Eh...
It's not that great.
She ain't that great.
Nothing ain't too great.

EH.

Dancing

I just watched a few dancing videos and it made me want to dance, badly.
But then I just realized I suck, ughhh.

Lose

I just wanted to reflect on how badly I played my game today...
Double faults, after mishits, after just poor placed shots, and not to mention sucky volleys.

I was getting sooo frustrated, so excuse my vulgarity.

Shun, why the fuck are you not as good as you can be?
Why can't you play as consistent as you could before?
Why the fuckkk do you keep losing?

I hate losing.
I don't play to lose.
I play to win.

My weakness

So today as I was just randomly thinking to myself, I realized that...
I have a weakness to pretty girls, lol.

So what do I mean by that?
Well, I realized that whenever I see a pretty girl, I lose a lot of confidence in myself and I instantly make myself feel lesser to them, which I really shouldn't be.
Then if they're pretty and they are capable of having a decent enjoyable conversation with me, then that's where it's like...oh my.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I crush on girls sooo easily, I don't even know why. Actually I do know, it's cause girls in general, for the most part...females are a beautiful gender, not to say that we (men) are just as good, but the tiniest thing that girls, especially pretty ones, do are...cute and pretty, right right.
With some exceptions of course.

I bet if a pretty girl asked me for something, I'd probably say yes...
I'm probably gonna get taken advantage of one day soon, and I'm probably going to be too happy to notice. I mean it's happened before, it'll happen again.

Apartment.

I think it's time I start looking for an apartment...
It's time to get out of here.

Have you ever?

Have you ever had those nights where you wanna go to sleep, but you just don't want to at the same time thinking that there's something that has to be done that night?

or have you ever had those nights where you wanna sleep, but you just can't because there's something constantly running through your mind? Perhaps, someone?

or or or, have you ever had a night where you're just like, man, screw everything?

Well, I hope your answer is, "yes"

As summer approaches an ending

I just want to say that summer 09 was actually good, however nothing special.
I think that summer 08 was filled with more events and exciting surprises, but 09 wasn't bad.
Overall, I think time flew by too fast in general, and sooner or later, life will be more exciting, I hope. Haha

What did I do this summer?
Let's see...

My summer technically started May 8th, 2009 which was the APICS Show 2009.
That week became stressful due to last minute preparations for the performances I was in and I was working, but it worked out nicely. Oh and also I had finals for ODU that week as well, but I did well and I'm glad. Overall though, I think APICS week was pretty nice...it was a lot of fun. Being with some of my favorite people and just having the adrenaline rush on the day of the show was great. I do miss that week, it was quite nice for me. ;D

It is a little sad, cause after that, I can't really remember any major events that happened which consisted of my summer. So here are a few memories (good and bad), that actually stick out randomly, I'll try to say them chronologically:

Photoshoot with Twelve15 at Landstown (which was great, but I had trouble dealing with these security guards)

The creation of "One" =]

Uhh, uhh... "Twelve15" Day that started with Eileen, Liz, Rachel, Jason and I, then ended up just being Liz, Rachel, and I then just Liz and I...lol. But, that was fun...making video of Knock U Down and Medleys! and also going into the beach with regular clothes on was interesting too.

Hmm, chillen with the boys is always fun, what did we all do? Pong, beach, and etc. Haha

July 1st marked my one year anniversary at Old Navy, yay.

July 4th wasn't too bad, I actually enjoyed a really hot day of tennis and seeing peoples at Redwing Park. But I did also get really burnt that day and it started the beginning of my face peeling. =[

July 17th, I believe was Liz's surprise party which was pretty fun, ping pong is fun. and and, Kelsey's house is like MTV cribs status...and yeah, it was fun.

July 21st, Went to go watch WWE in Richmond, that was a great first experience with Tommy. I needa go watch again.

July 23rd, This was probably more fun, Liz's actual birthday, we chilled all day...played golf, and just chilled and jammed, learned how to play Mafia ! Haha and ended the day with massages, =D

Then...August 17th, Water Country with friends. Yeah, that day ended badly, but you know what? I still had fun.

August 22-24, New York trip with the family.

I didn't really do much, but the summer is gone now, time to get back to being a serious college student, haha. =p

Let's make more memories as we go on, shall we.

New York

Well I'm off to New York again for the semi-annual trip...
Haha

=]

For you, you, and you.

-- For ten people.

Not in any particular order.

1. Sometimes, you really make me angry...I don't even know why, it's just that I feel like you don't try in anything you do. We've been hanging out for quite a while now and offcourse, there's some things that will never change...but I've really been looking for change from you and I haven't seen much progression. I know that you're a great person and that you can be successful in life, but why is it so hard for you? I can't say I understand everything that you've gone through, but I know that life goes on and regardless of the rough times that you've experienced...You have to just rise to the occasion. I know you well enough to know that there is a lot in life that you haven't experienced and I just hope one day you'll be comfortable enough to just live freely. You seem to really be too worried about what others think or too insecure to try new things. You have to be more open...One day, I want to see that determination in you and a change. I'm sorry that I sound selfish asking you to change for me, but I'm pretty sure that everyone wants to see the change...Simply, what I'm trying to say is, be yourself. And surprisingly, even though you can make me angry and annoy me, I still want you to change for your own good, so I do care about you.

2. I sometimes wish that we could go back and be as close as we were at one point, I really wonder, what happened to that? Partially, I know it is my fault, but yours as well. I would be happy if we could go back to being better friends than we are now, if I had that opportunity, then sure. But most likely, I don't see it happening and simply cause of one obstacle: significant other. I think that's been a problem for a lot of couples, finding the balance between friends and boyfriend/girlfriend. I hope that you're really happy though, but I think you should take the time to realize that your friends need you. This was a really unclear message though, I'm sorry, but I do miss how things used to be. I miss you. This is interesting cause this could be for anyone, but I have just one person in my mind.

3. I've found it really hard to accept things that I don't want to such as like...breakups or breakups. And offcourse, we never really dated, but still, it was really hard for me to accept it when you let me go. There were so many obstacles in the way and sometimes I think we both felt that things would never work out, but we did attempt to fight against it...and looking back, it was enjoyable. You were really a sweetheart to me and I found myself just smiling everytime I would think about you. Me sitting here blogging actually kind of feels like those days, really. Late night blogging. Regardless of what anyone thought, now that I think about it...everything was my decision and I don't regret it really. I thought we we're cute, I thought you were cute. Actually I can't say were, cause offcourse you're still cute. I think a lot of people think that we're awkward to each other now, but I think we're pretyyy tiiight huh? Well, for the most part. There were times when we probably really hated each other, cause offcourse we were both stubborn...but I'm sorry for that. When I did come across our old conversations, I laughed because there were things that I can't believe we said to each other, but I mean...I'm really happy that I can look back and just laugh about it other than feel angry or sad, and I hope you feel that way too. We'll chill soon, and I think it'll be fun. Haha, Thank you for everything, I mean it. :]

4. I really don't get you sometimes, but you're a great person...I think you have some flaws, but who doesn't? I just wished you would get to understand some things that I do...I don't really know if that makes sense, but you seem to only appreciate things that you like. You sometimes remind me of someone that I really despise and I hate that. I don't like how careless you are sometimes, but then you complain so much...but I still care for you a lot. I've somewhat watched you grow up, even if it's only been for a little bit...and now that we've grown up I hope our friendship continues to grow.

5. Why are you always appearing where I am? Man, I thought that time would help and everything would be okay, but honestly...you still bother me. Please don't talk to me unless you have something really important to say. I know you are just trying to be friendly, but it's like weird. Noone is ever that friendly. I'm Shun, not just an asian toy.

6. It's getting down to 5 more people and I had to really think what I wanted to say and who I would choose, but I could not forget you. You're pretty cool, cooler than me, yes. I don't really even know what we are at this point, but we're friends and thanks for that. I kind of doubted that we would really be "friends", maybe "friend of friends", but not friends...but I'm glad. I don't really know how I feel about you, but eventually I'll figure it out. Chilling with you is always fun and yes. You're really a good person and you're very pretty, so you deserve the best and I hope you do. I think every single one of these entries is somewhat obvious to who it was anyways, so oh well. Even though, I might not be the best tennis player that you personally know, I think you're the best singer I know, ;p.

7. Thank you for being able to listen and supply me with your input on anything that I'd ask, when I asked. I never would of ever thought that you would be someone like that and someone that I'd be talking to that much. Your thoughts and experiences with relationships and life relate a lot with mine, making it much easier for us to talk. Sometimes, people do not appreciate deep talks, but I'm grateful that you do...while making it fun too. And you deserve someone that would treat you with their best, and you will receive that someone too, soon.

8. We've been pretty close now for a few years and it's been a lot of fun. Thank you for your friendship. Sometimes though I wish you could open up more as well, and speak your mind about whats on your mind to me. You're more of the listener then the talker, however I'm sure there are times when you want to say something. That's pretty much all I want to say, thanks though, you're a great person.

9. Some choices that people make aren't always the right ones, and I know that I've made many wrong choices in my life...but sometimes I think you need to get your priorities straight also. I know your priorities have changed ever since we've met, but you can not forget the friendship you've built with us. Can you say honestly that you're happy with everything even if it revolves around only a slight group of people? I'm sure you can be happy without me, but I still care about you cause you're supposedly my close friend. Maybe when school begins, we'll all be good again, it'll be like the old times...Miss you.

10. I was thinking who I really had in store for this last one, but I just wanted to say to you...

I hope everythings going to be okay, I love you.

Monster Hunter!

So recently, last weekend during Tax Free...I purchased Monster Hunter: Freedom Unite for PSP, and now...just gotta say one thing; i'm addicted.

Wow, just wow.

Just going back to edit this post, since I just wrote a title and no entry...lol

I think I just had a moment this day when I was just like, you know? "wow..."
But !
It's because last friday, I worked till like 1130pmish, then went to sleep like 2, woke up at 5, to go to work again from 6am to 3pm...and then went to the beach, and I was soooo exhausted...
But the main reason I said wow was because I kept forgetting things and I also messed up my new vans...-_-

ANYWAYS, this was just an off dayish. haha.

So it begins,

My attempt to blogging in a long time. I don't really know why I haven't had the motivation to blog, just kind of found no need to I guess.
I still somewhat feel no need to and somewhat feel like it's hard to write down my thoughts lately...
Especially cause this blogger turned out much more public than xanga, you never want to say anything too much cause people read around.

Anyways, what has been really going on this month?
There's been birthday hangouts, beach, chilling, tennis, and wrestling show.
but nothing too special, really.
August is just around the corner, and there's a month left until the beginning of my 2nd year at Old Dominion University.
A side of me wants school to begin, cause summer has been kind of boring, however the relaxing and no work part has been nice. ANYWAYS, I need to prioritize some things and create goals for myself for the upcoming semester.

1. Maintain at least a 3.5GPA. I think it's like 3.7 right now. lol
2. Not pull all nighters
3. I'm not sure yet, be more active...I guess. haha

MOVING on...

My first live WWE event experience was pretty interesting, the show could have been better but I definitely would go again...getting lost on the way home was pretty fun as well.

Okay, so I promised myself I would get this post done tonight, but I find it really difficult to talk about things unless they're thought provoking and rather, emo. Hahaha.

There's so much that I want to say,

So be ready,
One long blog, after a long time of no updates, soon to come...

but I donno,
You never know who reads this...
*cough*

Fresh

Year

Nightime Pondering

Lately, as nighttime comes around...I feel pressured to get as much done possible for the today before going to sleep. I feel like if I went to sleep so early, then I'd be wasting time. But what am I thinking, it's more waste of a time for me to wake up so late and realized I've already wasted half of my day.

What an unorthodox way to begin a blog, but I think by now, all my blogs end up like this.
So every night I always have the urge to blog, but most of the time...it's about the same things or I get lazy and I don't even say all I wanna say.

And I know in this case, it's not going to be any different.

ANYWAYS.

I just wanna share this picture I got from my manager Tommy, it's kinda funny cause I've experienced this situation already. Hahahaha.






I'm still blown away.

Deepest Thoughts

There's been a lot going in mind lately and this is the right place to drop it.
Lately, my life's really only consists of work and tennis lately.
Now that I think about it, friends do come and go and when you think about it, whose to say who your true friends are?
As for me, I don't think I have any.
Fuck friends. I want, need friends that are actually there for me and care. Friendliest friends. As stupid as it sounds, that's what everyone needs. I have high expectations for friends and no one seems to be able to fulfill it.

My minds been heavy lately, thinking about my dad, whose going through a rough time with his heart, as well right now. I been thinking about it a lot, hoping that he'll be okay and everything...but it's hard for me to just go through everyday supporting myself. I need people who will support me and care too. But those people who I thought would be those people, didn't really rise to the occasion. I've told my buddy Liz and only a couple others, but I couldn't, and haven't even told my supposedly "bros"...why not? To me, they haven't really been the best of friends to even be comfortable enough for me to tell. We've got one friend who won't even really care and one whose rubbing off on him so he won't care either. Maybe I care too much.

You know, in the end...
Really, I don't know what to do.
So
fuck my life.

Time, Twelve15.

Before I began this post, I was going to start off by just talking about how my day went. However, I noticed the date is June 13th...and that marks one year after my graduation from high school. And the only other thing I could say was, "damn." Time flew by so fast.

Well anyways, I did miss you guys. I wished it would have been everyone, but I guess it was fun.

Decisions

I guess I'll start this entry saying that we all make decisions in life everyday. Sometimes the choices we make are right and sometimes wrong, but every little choice that you choose is personal and it's up to the individual.

A random topic, I know...but it just came to my head while I was thinking of a small decision to make, what to do? Well anyways, it was a small issue for a little bit until I thought deeply about it, then I realized that, every decision I have made so far in my life had meaning and it impacts the way I live my life now.

Overall, I feel like I've made more good decisions than bad ones or I probably wouldn't be in such a clean state. However, people make bad decisions all the time...and I do the same.

I'd like to finish this entry up by speaking on the best and worst decisions I've made in my life.

The worst decision I've made in my life would have to be all the times when I looked down on myself and "decided" that I wasn't good enough at anything. This resulted in many embarrassments, waste of time, and humiliation. What I'm really trying to say is that, for a long time...I thought that I would never good enough or noone would ever see me as good enough. And the outcome of the super long relationship made me realize, that I did waste my time...I wasted a lot. Confidence is what is really needed these days and now, I do have a lot of it. And it's not much to talk about it here, but I will. I wasted my commitment, my time, my charm, my intelligence, my determination, and my heart on that. There are so many good-hearted people out there and I am proud as hell, to say that I am one of them. I don't deserve people like that in my life, I only deserve what's best for me.

And my best decision in my life, would be...that right there.

Congratulations!

To Mr. Shaun and Janice Sabio for their newborn baby
=]

Coming Soon

I'd just also like to take my time to give my prayers and congratulations to Shaun and Janice Sabio, who are about to become parents and begin a family of their own.
The baby was due today, but we'll see. Hope everything goes well.

Raindrops

So I noticed that I've been slacking a little bit on blogging, and I just wanted to update a little, in this little diary.
It's almost been a month of summer and really, I haven't done much besides...work, sleep, and chill. I need to start doing something more productive maybe. Actually, memorable would suit the spot well.

Today (June 5th, 2009) has been a depressing day...
I tend to feel more emotional and filled with thoughts on days when the weather is horrible like todays.
Today was such an ugly day and not to mention boring. I had no plans really and didn't have the initiative to make any as well. I just felt like sitting there and complaining that I was bored...which is bad and turned into me feeling down.
I just wish I didn't feel so out of place with my life right now...
I don't even really know what I need, but somethings either overwhelming or missing in my life. I think I need a sense of security and assurance.
The routine chilling, work, and hanging out with the friends is nice and all, offcourse...but there is something else that I need...
Playing a lot of tennis has slowly helped me develop my game to back where it was at its peak and I'm slowly getting there again, however...when I do, what do I do now? I'm sure that I'll be happy with my game, but who really cares? I would be more happy if I were able to find a girl that was actually interested in getting better in tennis and that I can help her, and she could be my mixed doubles partner. Yes. But no, that's just too good to be true.
And I think it's no coincidence that in the end it all comes down to girls...and love life...
girls, can't live with em, can't live without em.

Anyways, I also re-cut my hair, shorter..haha
This is fun, but I donno...I don't think this phase will last too long.
Maybe for a couple months, but then it's back to the plain ol hair.

I've also been slacking on the whole song writing thing that I was really into last week, so I'm going to get back into it...and work on my 2nd song. =p

But for now...see you again.

Commitment

So I was looking around the web, and I notice some old friends who are with completely different people...
and I just wonder, how do they just go into such a long relationship than go with someone else right after, and after, and again. Do they not care about who they commit too?
If it were me, I'd only want to commit to people who I know things can go well with...not just anyone cause they look good or whatever.
I've come to conclusion that I'm never really going to find someone worth it around here. Everyone knows everyone. That's the biggest problem, ever.

Commitment is a really important aspect of a relationship...without it, the whole thing is worthless..That's what many people around here lack, and you know what...I'm not one of them.
And another word is friends...someone needs to firm up the definition of friends, because at this point...I'd like to say I have none, lol.

And this blog was just random venting.
This was a waste of my time and yours, I'm sorry.

Promotion

My summer may have gotten a little more exciting because of some news I got last night.
Well, the first little thing I found out was that I was promoted from a 3.0 player to a 3.5 player in the USTA league for tennis. That's good, but in a way bad since I should try to keep my ranking low so I don't have to forced to play at high levels. -_-

So I was asked by a friend to teach some kids how to play tennis for some money, and hey...what else can be more fun than doing your favorite thing and earning money for it? =]
Might be making a little extra cash this summer, and that's exciting.

Let's keep this summer filled with excitement. Haha that sounds lame.
But Busch Gardens, and anything else would be fun?

=]

Thoughts on Paper #2

My first "Thoughts on Paper" post consisted of me just blabbering about random things in my life.
I guess I'm doing the same for this one. So here it goes:

GIRLS
Not really a coincedence that I begin with this topic. Girls girls girls, where to begin? I guess I'm back to my "chilling" stage. I can enjoy my time just as fun with just friends, I will hope to never be desperate for a girlfriend. Another thing I wonder is...Does me being picky, have to do with the reason that I always end up not uh succeeding to get a girl? Random girls add me on Myspace and Facebook, telling me that they saw me at the APICS show and I looked very "stunning"...It's kind of funny, how you're just going to add me cause you saw me. But sadly, those are the only kind of girls I can attract huh? STALKERS. AH!

MONEY
Oh gosh, since when have I been so broke? Haha, I'm getting really poor now and I don't even know how, I haven't really bought anything expensive besides a longboard lately...and I haven't even paid that longboard off. Ugh. I need to start saving money, and this summers going to be the summer that I do. NEW CAR!? ;D The only thing, actually that I spent so much money on was food. -_-

TENNIS
The USTA league has been going pretty well for me, whose undefeated? Shun's undefeated.
;D And our team is undefeated haha.
Go to "national.usta.com" and then search for player name, Shunsuke Araki, exact match and scout me .
=] I feel like once I am able to get my volleys down the way I want, maybe just maybe...I can consider myself a 4.0 ! yay.

DANCE
I really miss dance practice and just everything with Twelve15...I think it'd be a little smart to just start practicing for next year already and just choreograph for fun, I think I could pick up dancing again as a hobby. But right now I wanna get better at...

SINGING
Yes yes, singing is more fun to me than dancing. I've never been musically talented so I'd like to try to better myself at that. Let's jam ! xD

Well, I suppose I'm done with my thoughts for now, I hope the next post is more of an interesting one. =]

Relax Shun

Today...
Actually might have been worse than yesterday.
I wish I could say that girls don't phase me. But I can't, this whole situation has been stuck in mind ever since, and it's slowly starting to take a toll on me.
Now that I think about it, I don't really think that we'll ever be "friends"...
From the start, I feel like we never built that foundation...so when it comes down to this, I think everything kinda crumbled and now we're back at the whole, just a person in the same dance group...which is really saddening.
It doesn't feel right to call, text, or whatever anymore, until I see her.
And I know it's going to be a while till I do...and it's still going to be awkward.
Man, eff it. Eff my life.

Incomplete

Honestly, today was one of the most disappointing days I ever had.
Well, it's past midnight, so I suppose yesterday.
Everything didn't turn out how I hoped for and needless to say, I feel like bleh.

So I guess I'll skip to the most important part...
The news.
Receiving the news straightforward, actually did hurt...but I don't know.
I'm in more of disbelief for some reason. Can't believe everything just fell apart like that.
I'm used to things not working out when it comes to girls and stuff, but it's hard to deal with it every time.
I guess I haven't done the best in keeping girls who I've liked close to me, it's always awkward at first...but with her, I don't want that anymore.
During the talk, it was rather awkward...very uncomforting, but at the same time, in a way...the talk helped us grow.

I'm sorry, I made things awkward...and I'm sorry that I still can't accept everything yet, eventually I will...but for now...
You're still special to me.

The talk went for a while, but at the end...I guess we were able to end on good terms. Good enough terms to go to the movies and chill, however that didn't happen...
So it felt really incomplete at the end
I hope you still wanna go, =/.

Everything Just Feels...

different.

Just a week, not even... a few days ago, I felt this special vibe and happiness...
But what happened to that?
Things can not change that much within just 3 days. =/
If it really did, then that's amazing...but bummer for me.
I'm back to feeling confused and sad.
Was the only reason we ever got so close cause of just APICS?
I need a good talk with her or just time with her.
I'm not giving up just like that, I just can't.

I Like This Girl.

She's super fly, and she beautiful inside and out.
=]]

Really?

I think tonight was the most I smiled in a long time, =].

Chasing Pavements

So I've been asking myself this question a lot lately and in a jokingly way because it's a song,
"Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?"

I think the worst feeling right now that I could feel is uncertainty...and I feel tons of it.
The only thing I can say is, "I don't know what to do."

Is what I'm doing now good or bad ? =/

Oh, keep chasing pavements is what's in my mind, but sometimes man...just sometimes.
But no, I think I'll keep goooooing. Even if it leads no where...

Why?

I seriously wonder why...
Why is it that like 7 out of 10 times when I receive a comment/status thing on Facebook, it's from a RANDOM person that added me just cause I'm japanese or asian or look like an anime or something goshhh.

Let me be specific, why does it have to be HER, I do not like her. And I do not appreciate being liked just because of me being asian or LOOOOKIN like an anime.
GOOOSH!

Oh my goodness, haha.
FREAK!

Girls

They're so confusing maaan.
But I suppose I am confusing too.

I have no confidence in myself...
I mean, why should I?
But I should.

Ah, she's cute.

Dreams

A quick entry before I go to sleep.
For the past few nights, I've been dreaming about something that would be offcourse, wonderful if happened in real life.
I've been dreaming a dream about me with a "dream girl"...just being together and on a romantic date...and in my dream, I just had the time of my life with this girl...
Then the worst part comes...

Waking up, only to realize it was just a dream.
Haha.
That feeling made me feel a bit sad honestly...I just thought about the dream over and over, and how happy I was in the dream...
Then I thought, I want to feel like that in real life.
Soo...
Dreams may be sometimes better than reality, but which would be better if dreams came true?

Oh please.

Please just let this semester of college be over with, smoothly.
Sigh.

All Night

Last night was one of the worst nights ever.
Simply due to procrastination...
Most of the time I'd have my school work done by 2 or 3AM...
but 630AM...Oh man, I don't know how else to put it but...it really sucked. =(
The thing I fear again is that it'll happen again soon. -.-
But as for now, I'm relieved that the night is over with, and tonight will be a night of sleep.

So I haven't blogged in a while, so I guess I'm going to try to make this one worth it since I don't update too often...I guess I'm just not much of a blogger, all my thoughts never end up online. But it does make me feel better when I do, ...when I do

I've been sick for almost a week now and that is another thing that just...sucks.
I take forever to get better and I don't even know why...haha.
The pollen and allergy season is here so I guess that's how it all started, but I couldn't get this sick from just pollen and allergies...the change of weather perhaps.

So I just got a text from my friend saying, "...i'm probably gonna stay up tonight for a paper, typical college life eh?"
And all I can do was...sigh...

ANYWAYS!
So so so there's a show at GMU April 26th, and AJ Rafael, Gabe Bondoc, and JR Aquino are going to be there...I'm definitely going to try to go...
Youtube them. They're amazing musical inspirations.

I suppose I'm out of ideas, or energy to blog for now...
Time to sleep and hopefully this stressful week goes by fast =/

It all goes down...

Friday, seriously.
I..no, we are sick of this.
It's either we're all in 110% or we're done.
It's going down...

USTALEAGUE09!

It's been a while, but I have to jot down some good news...
I'm actually looking forward to the next several months.
But first, I guess I gotta get past this next week, it's going to suck =/
But anyways, to make a long story short, the events/things I'm looking forward to are as follows:

April 3rd, A group practice possibly- We really need it.
April 4th, Kings Dominion - YES !
Then...
April 6th, USTA Spring League begins- and last minute, I know, but I joined...and I'm glad I did so I can continue playing competitively, I've been really slacking and it's time I get back into it.
and I'm talking about tennis. haha.
Then league continues for a few months...
then May 8th, the moment we all been waiting for, well some of us...finally dancing won't consume most of my life and I can start relaxing somewhat...maybe move onto some other things like singing haha.
By May 8th, spring semester will be over and things will feel really relaxing.

YT, Inspiration.

Just spent a couple hours watching and listening to music by some of my favorite YouTube stars, somehow their lyrics and music is more inspiring to me than popular artists...I feel more in the shoes of them, the underdogs.

Now I think I'll try.

Looking Ahead

There is a lot to be done within the next few months and it's overwhelming.
I'd say my top three priorities as of now is school, work, and somehow...the dance.
Surprisingly, tennis didn't come up this time...that can wait till the summer.

We have less than two months to still choreograph and perfecting our performance...and as the way things are going now, we aren't doing too great. And I wish I could say that we were and that I've made such a great contribution, but I can't. I'm not a dancer, but no doubt, I will try...
I just don't want any bull crap responses or put downs.

I also would like to start writing...
But I need some inspiration.

SPRBRK09

Well, finally...Spring Break 09 has come.
It doesn't really feel too much like a break since it's only a week, but I can manage...
I don't really have anything special for this break, but I can use the relaxation time.
And I can also use this time to...as lame as it sounds, "find myself".

I need to take this time to understand my priorities and everything around me, especially just myself in general. I need to start living my life the way I want to live my life, the way I ever could imagine. Sometimes, when I have so much free time, and I get into my deep thinking mode, I always just replay the same thought over and over in my head,

"What in the hell am I doing?..."

Just sometimes I feel like I could be doing something productive, doing something to become a more perfect person, in this never perfect world...

I have many flaws, but I try my best to overcome them...
Sometimes, things seem so irrational to me...things are so different than what I always expect.
I try my best to be the best that I can be, but why can't others?
Why do I have the mindset that people around here all think like me?
Treat people with respect, you get respect, you love, they love, we all are at one...
Harmony, peace, and precision...
But nah, people are mad grimey, shady, stupid, unloving, uninspirational, mean, disgusting...

And now I feel guilty of that too, I've fallen into the same trap, and this Spring Break...is where I will get out...

Thank you

Don't Understand

You take too much of your time worrying about my flaws...
worrying about me in general,
babying me till I go to sleep and wanting to know every little detail about my life.
You think you're always right and smart...when you don't know anything...
You don't know what you really need to know...
As a parent, you shouldn't have to look through all my stuff or ask me every little question...
You should know who I am...but you don't.
You know why, because I said it in the beginning...
You waste your time worrying about me, than really understanding who I am.

I Wish

I wish that I was better in tennis
I wish that I didn't have to go to school
I wish that I would meet a special girl
I wish that I can get a new car
I wish that I can get a new computer
I wish that I can get a new tv
I wish that I didn't procrastinate
I wish that things would be so much easier
I wish that I could become what I've always wanted to become
I wish that everything will be okay

...


I wish I didn't complain so much.

Thoughts On Paper

TENNIS
Today, I was lucky enough to catch a Division 1 ODU Tennis Match on campus.
Man, were they good...
Watching them play was really fun and was inspirational...however, it made me a bit envious.
I wish I was as good.
Anyways, they'll partially be my exigence for getting better.

SAVE MONEY
One thing I really need to do just to feel much better financially is save money.
I think I don't shop as much as I used to anymore and I don't buy random, unnecessary things...so I guess the problem is food. I spent way too much money on food, I need to eat at home.

SCHOOL
School wise, I'm doing fairly well and it's kind of a shock in a way, lol.
I know I'm a smart guy and I have the potential to get really good grades, but you know...laziness.
I'm doing well with A's and B's now, so I need to keep it up.

19
Turning nineteen soon...ah, doesn't really change anything.
I needa make a wish list soon ! lol
Maybe, that'll be my next blog post.
Just maybe.

Time is of the Essence

I haven't had too much time to just sit here and relax, so here I am now.
It's been almost a week already since my first post, goodness...

Time has felt like it has been flying since forever now. The days, weeks, and months are going by really fast. I am constantly finding myself saying every week, "Oh my gosh, it's already Friday again, or it's already school again...or it's already whatever." or "It's already been a week since we did this or that..." You know?

Let me recap on what I did the past week, if I can even remember...

Wednesday 02/11/09 - It was a chill day, basically...school, pingpong at the webb, went to the gym with my friend Ngan, had a really nice convo at her apartment, headed home.
Haha, the gym was really interesting...I don't know, I think the gym is boring...I mean, I'd rather play tennis than run on a treadmill, seriously. lol. Oh well, it was good, plus I gotta work on my biceps anyways. That day wasn't all about me working hard and trying to really work out anyways, it was more of a day for me to catch up with a friend. I've known this girl since middle school, but we never talked too much and then meeting up at ODU, after splitting ways during our four years of high school, is nice. I thought it was pretty nice that we were able to talk to each other, comfortably...Well I thought so, I don't know about her...haha. Anyways, a good talk is probably a lot more fun than anything. I'd rather have a good talk with a good friend, than to go out and party or drink, or bad things like that.

Thursday 02/12/09 - Another pretty chill day, except that night, AHH! Had a philosophy test that I did alright on, then...went to play tennis with my friend Jason...eventually met up with more people at Landstown. It was really windy that day, and made me angry...so I just quit playing and started to mess with Jason's "ripstick"...Those are pretty fun ! 2 wheeled skateboard things? haha. Afterwards, I let my girls, Liz and Rachel drive in my car...under my supervision, yes offcourse...then we decided we were hungry. So went to go eat Pho with Jason, Reymark, Liz, and Rachel...it was pretty fun. At this point, it was getting late for the high schoolers =p
I had to go do some homework too, but that night was horrible...I procrastinated so much and ended up staying up till 3AM...I hate it haha.

Friday 02/13/09 - Fridays are starting to become empty, I never have anything to do anymore. Maybe I should start working on Fridays. Friday was school, tennis with Reymark, then ate and chilled...probably the best part of this day was making up our own 4 chord medley with guitar.

Saturday 02/14/09- Oh, Valentine's Day. I've always thought this holiday was pretty pointless. It's a day for "love", but everyday should be a day for love, right? So what did I do on Valentine's Day? I woke up, went to work at 11 to 3...and was thinking the whole time, "I really have nothing to do afterwards so I'm going to ask to stay longer...So I asked my manager if I could stay, but then she asked if I could close tonight...and I thought about it again, "I really don't like closing on a Saturday night...but hey, nothing to do...I'll do it" So I took a 7-11 shift that night, and during my 4 hourish break, I did nothing but watch tv and attempt homework...it didn't work. On the way back to work, I listened to Neyo, probably one of my favorite R&B singers...he has a lot of really good songs that I can somewhat relate to, and then started thinking a little, "I feel pathetic, working two shifts on Valentine's Day..." My first shift at work definitely felt much easier than my night one...I think I was tired mentally, but it was fine. This one lady came in with a whole bunch of these valentine five dollar off things we had, and she used one for one item, and she had like 50...so it took me forever to ring her up, it made me kinda stressed and I don't even know if I was allowed to do that...but I did anyways, cause she kept complaining that someone already told her she could, and there was no limit on the back, so hopefully I don't get in trouble, lol. Ah, after getting out at about 11:30, I ate...tried to finish my intro to business homework, which stressed me out some more...then crashed. I can say, that even if this Valentine's Day didn't feel the same as the last 3 I had, with a girl, I really didn't mind. A lot of people were surprised at work and outside of work that I didn't have a "Valentine" and even though it's pretty flattering cause of the compliments and all...the whole, "Why don't you have a girlfriend? You're handsome" Get's old, =p. Being single is kinda aiiiight, even though...Yes yes, it gets lonely sometimes, I know.

Sunday 02/15/09 - I woke up trying to finish my Intro to Business homework by the time I had to leave for work since it's due at 6PM. I barely finished, but I did and I felt like I did a crappy job. Even though it's supposed to be such an easy class, it stressed me out. Worked from 3-8PM, it was busy today. =/...but got an ONC, yay. Yeah Tommy, I was being Mr. Determined today, lol. Nah, jk, I just got lucky. I shoulda went to sleep since I didn't really have anymore homework, but I just felt like blogging instead. And now, at 1:06AM, I'm officially about to call it a night.

And oh, the whole time...I couldn't think of a title for this blog, so I guess I'll just call it...
"Time is of the essence."
Lol.
Goodnight.

The Beginning

Well, well, well...
This is my first post on blogspot, woo! Haha. I never really had too much motivation to write in this or the Xanga in the past few days, but I guess you gotta start somewhere.
ANYWAYS, I don't even know if anyone will read this. I'll just speak on any random thoughts I have here and whoever reads, will read...I suppose? Here it goes.

So the weather has been really nice lately, it's tennis season!
I remember walking from the back of Landstown to the tennis court around this time of the year, last year. The weather was beautiful and just knowing that I could enjoy my favorite sport and passion...it was great. This year, feels different though, in a sense. Most of it is probably due to the fact that I graduated and can no longer play "high school tennis". Looking back at my four years on the team, it's just overwhelming and surprising...that it's over for me. I accomplished a lot and have been improving since I started playing seriously in 8th grade summer, but I wish I can have one more year. Haha, I've probably said this over and over before...but yeah. It makes me happy to see people who want to get better work hard and stay enthusiastic...but nowadays, it's not even about the hard work. Nowadays, it's just people who start playing because their friends play or cause they just want something to do...people who just think they're good because they "made the team". It really is true that #1 at Landstown don't mean ish and even making the team don't mean ish...none of that means anything if either 1. you're losing every match or 2. you don't even try your best...I want to see someone work as hard as I did when I realized that I wanted to play tennis. If you want something, you just gotta keep trying...you know? Oh and that reminds me...for things that I'm truly interested in, I get really passionate about it...if there is one thing that I actually like about myself, it's that I work hard for things I want...and it showed during my tryouts in freshmen year. My coach would tell me that he liked my tenacity and determination on the court...I was proud that I made someone that I needed to impress, impressed as well. So, from those days on...I guess I gave myself the nickname, "Mr. Determined"...and it has stuck to me since. I've had my ups and downs with tennis...sometimes I just wanted to quit cause I felt that I wasn't good enough or cause it was just starting to bore me, but I'm glad that I have stuck to it and hopefully I continue to progress.

Haha, even though I was planning on writing down all my thoughts I had for today...I'll just only do one more...something that happened at work, and it made me think.
I was talking to my coworker earlier tonight and she started asking me what my plans were for Valentine's Day. I told her that I was working and then I don't know what. She was like, "Seriously!?" So I just said yeah? and she asked me, "Is your girlfriend mad that you're working?" I was like, "What? Haha, I don't have a girlfriend right now" and she seemed a little surprised. She said to me, "I though you'd have a girlfriend, you seem like such a nice guy" Haha, it was just interesting. It made me think about the last and first relationship I had, three and a half years. It's kind of funny looking back to that, haha. I learned a lot from it and I don't have anything else to say. Maybe next time, just maybe...I don't feel like I wasted those years on a girl. Lessons learned, but soon to be forgotten.

Speaking of the whole lessons thing, just wanted to talk about one more thing. I guess you have to experience a lot of things in life first hand, until you can learn a lesson or know what's wrong from right or right from wrong. So I just recently crashed my sister's car, if it was the first time I've done something like that, then...maybe it wouldn't be too bad on my part...but like three or four times? The first time, I probably told myself..."Okay, lesson learned..." But, still it happened again. I guess I really didn't learn, or maybe I just forgot. Every crash has gotten worse and worse. Hopefully, there is NO next time. I really want to say and know that I've learned my lesson and that's the truth.

Ah, it's late...
Maybe I'll mess around with this entry some other time.
I'd say this was a pretty good first entry!
Goodnight =]